Ewan Vs. Stone Cold
by JLennongrrl
Summary: Silly things that happen when Ewan and Stone Cold fight over the same woman


One night, Christine is lying awake in her bed. She thinks of the whole "Tammy and her two husbands" situation, and decides that she really, really doesn't like Ewan McGregor, and that they need to get rid of him. She turns over and tells her husband, Big Show, of her thoughts. She tells him, "Tammy has always liked big, muscular men, I don't understand why she even wants Ewan.we need to set her up with one of your friends, who do you know that isn't married?" Big Show goes through a big list of wrestlers, suggests the Rock (who isn't married in this story). Finally, they settle on Stone Cold.  
  
The next day, Big Show goes and finds Stone Cold. Big Show takes him and goes and introduces him to Tammy. You can tell she likes him, but already has 2 husbands. Stone Cold, on the other hand, has just broken up with Debra, so he is free to like Tammy. As a matter of fact, he is quite smitten with her, and starts following her around.  
  
One day, he sees her out shopping, and gets in front of her, shows her his butt and says, "Look at this ass! Ain't it great". She does agree that it is, but she can't do anything about it. The next day he shows up in the bushes when Tammy and Ewan are on a walk. He smiles at her with his tongue stuck out a little way and says "Tammy, I bet Ewan doesn't have a tongue as long and TALENTED as mine." This pisses Ewan off, but since he is extremely small compared to Stone Cold, he can't do anything about it.  
  
A couple of weeks pass, and after many attempts for her affection, Stone Cold wins, and Tammy dumps Ewan for him. Christine finds out about this, tracks Ewan down, and runs her mouth at him, and says, "HAHA Loser! I got you dumped." Ewan sees that he's been had, and goes and gets a motel to stew in his self-pity.  
  
After Stone Cold finishes moving in, he goes and finds Big Show, and they crack open a six pack. Stone Cold goes "Big Show, I just moved in today. Can you give me an 'OH HELL YEAH'?"  
  
Meanwhile, in the hotel room, the more Ewan thinks about his situation, the more pissed off he becomes, and decides to go after Christine and Big Show. He knows that he won't be able to handle them both, so he decides to go and find one of Big Shows biggest enemies. He goes and finds the Rock, and asks him to help him "Off" the Big Show. Rock smiles and responds by saying "The Rock would gladly help anyone kill that 7 foot tall 500 pound bucket of steaming Grade A monkey crap."  
  
Later on, Jen wins a contest. The grand prize was a chance to thumb wrestle the Rock. As she's wrestling him, Rock is looking her up and down. She is wearing something that he likes A LOT. Rock raises the people's eyebrow, sweeps the table out of the way, and attacks. Jen experiences the "People's Penis."  
  
As this is happening, Ewan busts in and says, "I've found them, but they won't stay there long. We have to act quickly, COME ON!" Rock is in such a hurry that he forgets to get Jen's phone number. He only gets her name. When they get to the house that Christine and the Big Show were staying at, they found that they've already left. A few weeks pass, finally they track Stine and Big Show down to a hotel. Rock busts into the room, and is about to kill Big Show and Stine. Just before he does, Jen comes into the room. He is so distracted by her that he forgets about Big Show. Rock takes Jen into the other room, and she experiences the "People's penis" a second time. Big Show grabs Ewan and whips the snot out of him. As Big Show is whooping Ewan's ass, a maid comes to the door. All you see is the back of the maid. "She" is wearing a pink dress, and has brown hair that comes to "her" shoulders. Opens the door, sees what is going on, sees that Big Show is about to murder Ewan, and decides to attack Big Show with a mop. Camera pans, and we see it is Verne Troyer in a dress. The only reason Verne is attacking is that he is on shift, and can't have any deaths on his floor. They battle for some time, Stine won't fight cause she loves Verne. Finally, Verne beats the Big Show to a stand still, and throws Ewan into a linen cart, and goes back into the hallway. He walks a little up the hall, and eventually throws Ewan down the laundry chute.  
  
Back in the room, Stine hears a commotion in the bedroom, and then hears "Finally, the Rock has cum". Fifteen minutes later, Jen and Rock come out looking all disheveled. Jen says "Sorry about the sheets." We hear banging in the laundry chute in the hallway. Ewan is crawling back up the chute, vowing revenge on the Rock to himself.  
  
At the end, Ewan pays the Rock to go after Stone, so Rock challenges him to a match. Tammy accompanies Stone Cold to the match, and Ewan accompanies the Rock.  
  
After a couple of minutes, we hear "Well it's the Big Show.." over the intercom. Big Show then comes out with Christine. Rock runs his mouth about Stine to piss Big Show off, and it also pisses Stine off. She gets into ring. Austin gets hurt, and Tammy jumps into ring to help him. As she helps him up, Rock goes to punch Austin. She did not see this, and turned just in time to take the fist to her head instead, and gets knocked out. Austin gets mad, and goes to lay the smack down on Rock. Rock grabs Stine and flings her in the way. She gets hit and knocked out also. This PISSES off all men. Ewan gets into ring to help tammy, Austin gets mad and grabs him, and starts to beat him up. Big Show grabs Rock, and they fight.  
  
All of the sudden, a new song starts playing over intercom. McGwire comes out wearing a backpack. Gets into ring, and starts to beat up the Rock. McGwire sets the backpack down, and Verne jumps out dressed as a ninja and flinging numchucks. They both start to beat Rock, and Austin is beating up Ewan. Austin beats Ewan by using the stunner, and knocks him straight out. Finally, both Verne and McGwire, with help from Big Show, beat up the Rock. McGwire and Austin come over and pick me up and leave the ring. Big Show picks up Stine and leaves too.  
  
Jen comes out of the crowd, and gives the Rock mouth to mouth. A woman named Eve also comes out of the crowd to help Ewan. But, before she can get there, Verne kicks him in the head, then looks at the Rock, then back to Ewan. Then he looks at the camera, winks and smiles, and the lights reflect off of a gold tooth. 


End file.
